I haven't found the time to write lately. That's frustrating on some levels, but I also think I'm going through a mental transition insofar as writing goes. I think a lot; sometimes overthinking takes the fun out of actually writing down. That's part of why I rarely journal personal events - I think them out, so no need to write them out. Feels redundant. That's why I have a problem writing Ambivalence right now - I've thought it out, hashed it out, multiple times. Even the third book (Ambivalence is the first) is mostly planned in my head... the second is a bit clouded, and would be fun to write because of it, but nonetheless... it's tough to write something that's done in your head. Writers who say that their characters help write the books aren't lying - it's a journey for the writer as well, to see what his/her characters do... they surprise even us, on occasion.
As to the transition, part of the issue is also that the books I'm working on now don't feel relevant. They tackle themes that troubled me more when I was younger, when I first set pen to paper on those books. Part of me yearns to write on things more relevant and, really, part of me yearns to try to write something contemporary. Split time depending on motivation? Maybe.
Finding time is the key, too. For example, right now, would be good. But I know my fiancee arrives home shortly and we have an appointment afterwards. It might be counter-productive, but I'd rather not write anything at all than be interrupted midway through a good stream of thought... recapturing that later is very difficult and often frustrating.
And it's been a busy time, in general. My fiancee and I have our wedding in less than a month and even though her mother has done a bang-up job planning it in short time, it's still a very stressful thing for everyone involved. This goes back to my original paragraph - I hope for a time of general stability afterwards, where nothing momentous happens to shake up life and we can finally settle into a routine of sorts (we really haven't had time for that since before we moved in together in June). But... part of me knows that it never is that simple. Just like this past weekend, which my fiancee had all three days off - she works 4 days, 10 hours per day - and on Monday, she had nothing planned on all three days. By Thursday, all three days had an appointment of some sort, just by total random happenstance. Such is life. When I was laid off from my regular job in May, I had a significant nest egg set up - then my car began leaking coolant by the tank, and my carefully-laid financial plans took a hit. Not enough to throw me off-kilter, but enough to make things less than I was hoping. Such is life.
But the best of us make time... that's a true skill in life, making time for one's loves and pursuits and cares. It's when we have copious amounts of free time that we find that skill most lacking, and when we have almost no free time we find it in abundance. There's an odd sort of balance in that, I think. And now, often inundated with unoccupied time, I must find a way to work through my own distractions and mental clouds and once again relearn how to make time to get through my self-imposed writer's block.
